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~ Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.~ Sleep is a poor substitute for coffee
~ Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time
~ Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die~ The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.~ Don't take life too seriously. You won't get out alive. ~ Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. ~ Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
~ I drive way too fast to worry about cholestrol ~ Vegetables aren't food. Vegetables are what food eats.~ Life is like a box of chocolates ... full of nuts!~ Death Before Dishonor Nothing Before Coffee
~ Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.~ Get even. Live long enough to be a problem to your children~ Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
~ Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it~ Indecision is the key to flexibility. ~ Reality is the leading cause of stress ~ Panic now and avoid the rush ~ When the going gets tough, everybody leaves~ The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
~ Sometimes I wish life had subtitles ~ We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse ~ Some days you're the Dog, & Some days you're the Hydrant~ If you're not the lead dog, the scenery never changes ~ If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane ~ Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
~ Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.~ I finally got it all together, but I forgot where I put it
~ Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity ~ Time flies when you don't know what you're doing
~ If all else fails ... lower your standards ~ If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you ~ The best way to get on your feet is to get off your ass!
~ You've obviously mistaken me for someone who cares ~ Time is what keeps everything from happening at once ~ There's too much youth; how about a fountain of smart.